Lily Allen’s Lost Her Mind
That is Lily Allen. And that is Lily Allen’s dress. They need to be introduced separately because, clearly, that dress is an entity all on its own. …unfortunately.
I have to be honest with you, I know who Lily Allen is? And yet I have no clue who she actually is or what she does – besides making my job just a little bit easier. There are so many things wrong with this thing that the term “celebrity fashion disaster” isn’t even good enough. This is a celebrity fashion debacle. So let’s dissect, shall we?
First of all, why so many layers, Lily? Are you trying to make yourself look like a hippopotamus? Because it’s working. Actually, with that sash/belt/restraint around your waist, you also look like one of those big Christmas presents that your parents don’t even really bother wrapping, because it’s 5am on Christmas morning and they know you’re going to wake up in two minutes anyway.
Secondly, did you just pull down your shower curtain and wrap it around yourself, all willy nilly? You did, didn’t you? Aww … that’s sad.
Thirdly, where the hell did your neck go? I know it’s there, but that pose makes it look like it’s not. So I’m going to start calling you FrankenLily, and you’re going to like it. Cow.
