Celebrity Fashion Disasters: The Four Faces of Maggie Gyllenhaal.
I have issues with Maggie Gyllenhaal. For one thing, she looks too much like Kirsten Dunst – enough to make me think that Mrs. Gyllenhaal secretly had triplets, but clearly had to give Kirsten up for adoption because of her horribly mutated teeth and snark-kitten face. For another, I alone in all the world have not yet seen the new Batman flick (I am waiting until I am more emotionally prepared), yet all I hear about is how she is the sole, steaming piece of crap in the entire film. Well great, Maggie, thanks; they should have starred your brother as the leading lady, he’d likely have more chemistry with the sorely missed Health Ledger anyway, and with the Dark Knight himself.
But anyway, the dresses she’s worn on the premiere junket – holy serious celebrity fashion disasters, Batman! She looks like crap, too!
1. I had horrible pajamas like that once. I thought they were “sexy.” It was 1997 and I was 15. What does that tell you, Maggie?
2. I think maybe that wouldn’t be so bad except that … wow, toga. Velvet toga. Clearly right after this she was going to a photo shoot for cover of the new bared-heaving-bosom romance novel.
3. I … hm. Is she … she’s wearing a very visible bra, under safety-cone, fluorescent orange. But look close – is that a frigging slip, too? What … I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t even think of anything to describe that horror. She’s like an emaciated, sloppy pumpkin. She’s like that one grade school teacher who always had her bra strap or her slip hem showing.
4. Just … wear a flipping burlap sack next time, you insufferable, oblivious, sloppy cow.
You know, maybe there is something to the idea that a vengeful (and equally fashion impaired) Katie Holmes had something to do with this…
