Guess what? It’s Two for One day here at Celebrity Fashion Disasters! I finally figured out why Tom let Kat(i)e go out of the house like this – because he doesn’t have a darn bit of fashion sense either. Is it just me, or does he look a little bit like Gilligan here? It’s not just the khakis and the striped shirt, it’s what he’s doing with his leg – what the eff is he doing with his leg?!
And Katie … okay. This would be totally cute, but what is up with the shoes? And the rolled cuffs? What is up with the shoes and the rolled cuffs? She rolled the cuffs of her jeans up … to wear high heeled shoes – open toed sandal shoes, even, with … is she wearing socks? Because those look a little too thick to be pantyhose.
What is the matter with these people? Jeez, Tom’s got Gilligan’s walk, and Katie’s got his hair. At least she has the good sense to look like she’s ashamed of being seen in that … and with that.
Oh, Mischa, Mischa, Mischa… Little Miss Barton is normally adorable. For someone who’s been known to rub elbows with the illustrious Paris Hilton, it’s not so surprising that the former star of the OC usually looks cool and trendy. Sure, she’s had a few slip ups, but none of them have been so disastrously bad. Maybe it’s the season for bad, seventies-style fashions, but something needs to give, because home girl looks like she’s channeling Cher – circa 1970 but without the legs to pull it off quite as well. Now, I’m not saying she has bad legs by any means – but Cher still has legs up to her butt, and Mischa’s look a little stumpy in this outfit. Maybe if the boots were a little taller; I’d say maybe if the skirt were a little shorter, but uh … I think we’ve seen quite enough celebrity crotch-shot’s for a while. And the purple fringe vest? I’m sorry. My vocabulary isn’t extensive enough to describe that hot mess.
Head’s up, my little fashionistas: we have a first. We’ve got a dude on the celebrity fashion disaster radar. Whether you’re still in the way-back machine and calling him Puff Daddy, Puffy, P. Diddy, Diddy, or plain old Sean, he’s evolved into a serious fashion forerunner all the years – I mean, this man is stylish … until he sees a red carpet, and then it’s like waving a red flag in front of a bull or something. Instead of charging, Diddy snags the first white tuxedo jacket he can find. Does he design them strictly for that purpose? Or maybe his next reality show is going to involve him putting together a team of cocktail waiters, and he just wants to be real with it. It’s just so … seventies. If he’d even just worn a black shirt with a black tie instead, it really could have worked, but this is just … cheesy.
I … huh. Why … why did she even bother to put on clothes? Don’t get me wrong, low slung waistbands are hot – especially on guys with great hipbones. Fergie’s got great hipbones, sure, but she’s basically … guys, she’s this close to showing off her va-jay-jay and I don’t understand. True, if I had abs like that, I’d show them off too, but this is just – I’m sorry, but even Brit’s little schoolgirl phase was more tasteful than this. Fergie’s got a sick body, but there are better ways to flaunt it. Maybe if the shirt was a little longer, with the bottom buttons opened, for instance. And I’m just not even going to touch the tiara, because if I did, I’d be too tempted to christening her the Pee Pee Princess, ala that very unfortunate concert accident…
How does this happen? How do you go from Daisy Duke to Mom’s Hysterectomy Pants? Look: yours truly was born in the early 80s; her mom and all her friends wore these pants then. They are Mom Jeans. MadTV has done awful, truthful sketches on them. They’re the female version of old-man pants. Theoretically, Jessica could be using her waistband as a support system for her infamous chest-works. Back in the day they worked all right because they made moms feel slimmer. The problem is Jess is already slender, and now it looks like she’s smuggling a tumor under there.
