I need to make something clear: even though this is the second time she’s appeared on this blog, I love Tyra Banks. I think she’s sweet, stylish, and awesome. I also think she’s egotistical and narcissistic though, especially after this past season of ANTM. It has become painfully clear that she’s trying to steal the attention away from all her bright young little proteges. The opening credits focus in on Miss Tyra almost exclusively, and at every panel this last season, she stands at the front of the room in a warrior stance which is clearly designed to keep all eyes — and cameras — on her and her alone.
All of this would be well and good, except for the things she chooses to wear when she does this. Case in point: the picture to your left. I mean, I have never seen anything go from outrageously poofy to almost nauseatingly tight in all my years. This is kind of like a mullet outfit: 80s at the top, 70s disco at the bottom, and it needs to go away fast.
Quite frankly, her clothing choices only emphasize the idea that she is trying to keep all the attention on her. One wonders what she feels so threatened by — is it the not-so-lovely Paulina, who tries and fails to be a Janice? Is it her darling little proteges? Is it Miss J, with his to-die-for legs?
Whatever the case, I find this outfit pretty well sums up the rather dry and disappointing season — i.e., I hope I never, ever have to see it again. …even though I’ll probably want all the repeats on VH1 and MTV.
Guys? I have to be honest with you, I hate Kim Stewart. It makes me sad because I love her dad. I love her dad even more than my parents do, and they were actually alive and cognizant when Rod Stewart was popular. But man, I hate his daughter. Part of it is because she spends her time playing the retarded underdog to the hot mess that is Paris Hilton (riding off on a runaway cycle and flashing her stuff to a watching nation, anyone?). Part of it is just her face – she looks just like her dad, man, and that’s bad.
Part of it is the fact that she does crap like this. I mean hello? It looks, to me, like she’s trying to look like Sam Ronson – you know, Lilo’s adorable, androgynous little paramour. Plus, I’m sorry, but when your dress is so short it looks like a long shirt, it’s just a bit trashy to wear a coat that falls to the same length. She looks like she’s going for classy but fell off the wagon somewhere. Also, she gets major points off for allowing herself to get photographed in the same frame as someone wearing something so floral it makes my eyes bleed.
Clearly, Paula Abdul must have woke up and found that she “was Spellbound,” to go outside of her house in that dress. I feel so sorry for this woman. Honestly, I don’t know if she’s a total addict, completely oblivious, or a combination of the two.
I do know one thing, though. If Simon Cowell can critique the daylights out of every single American Idol wannabe in life, why doesn’t he mosey on over to Paula’s house before she goes out in public, and make her cry in order to keep celebrity fashion disasters like this from happening? Because seriously? In all honest? This looks like a Barbie doll dress. One of the Bob Mackie ones that no one really wants to buy because they’re ass ugly — but they buy them anyway so that they can say they own something “original.”
Either that, or she’s trying to look like Cher, ala Mermaids. Brrrr…
I can’t … I just … I am so sick of her. I am sick — and tired.
I don’t even know what to say anymore. I really don’t. I don’t even know if there’s anything worth saying. I mean, okay. She’s getting photographed everywhere with her frigging pants legs cuffed into frigging capris, and then there’s this steaming hot mess.
This is Kat(i)e Married-to-a-Crazy-Midget Holmes at the Tropic Thunder premiere. You should she the rest of the pictures: Kate and Tom — how suburban WASP, oh my! — grinning maniacal, shark like grins at the photographer, as if they are preparing to devour him. Like either of them have any right to be grinning. Like they have something to be proud of.
I don’t know what’s with the apparent grip tape — or is that pleather? or vinyl? jeezum crow! — binding her up. I don’t get the bodice at all. But more than anything I don’t get that unflattering, poofy helmet of a hairstyle. Seriously, it’s like she’s preparing herself to be the suburban, Scientologist housewife. Soon, those rolled up jeans will turn into mom jeans, complete with high water hems. She’ll be telling the soccer coach not to put any antiseptic spray onto Suri’s scraped knee, because ZOMG IT’S OF THE DEVIL!
Guess what? It’s Two for One day here at Celebrity Fashion Disasters! I finally figured out why Tom let Kat(i)e go out of the house like this – because he doesn’t have a darn bit of fashion sense either. Is it just me, or does he look a little bit like Gilligan here? It’s not just the khakis and the striped shirt, it’s what he’s doing with his leg – what the eff is he doing with his leg?!
And Katie … okay. This would be totally cute, but what is up with the shoes? And the rolled cuffs? What is up with the shoes and the rolled cuffs? She rolled the cuffs of her jeans up … to wear high heeled shoes – open toed sandal shoes, even, with … is she wearing socks? Because those look a little too thick to be pantyhose.
What is the matter with these people? Jeez, Tom’s got Gilligan’s walk, and Katie’s got his hair. At least she has the good sense to look like she’s ashamed of being seen in that … and with that.
Oh, Mary-Kate Olsen. She has to be the biggest piece of evidence in existent that not all identical twins are created equal. Just about everyone seems to be in agreement about the fact that Ashley must have gotten the “I do not look like I reached into my closet, in the dark, after a bender, and pulled out the first thing I touched” gene. Ashley’s had her fashion disasters as well, but those are tame next to the debacles in which Mary-Kate is all too frequently seen. This particular disaster is just … there are no words. There are none. It is shapeless, unflattering, the color is awful, the silhouette is appalling, and how is it that even though this dress … thing has an uber plunging neckline, she still looks like she has absolutely no neck whatsoever?
Oh, Mischa, Mischa, Mischa… Little Miss Barton is normally adorable. For someone who’s been known to rub elbows with the illustrious Paris Hilton, it’s not so surprising that the former star of the OC usually looks cool and trendy. Sure, she’s had a few slip ups, but none of them have been so disastrously bad. Maybe it’s the season for bad, seventies-style fashions, but something needs to give, because home girl looks like she’s channeling Cher – circa 1970 but without the legs to pull it off quite as well. Now, I’m not saying she has bad legs by any means – but Cher still has legs up to her butt, and Mischa’s look a little stumpy in this outfit. Maybe if the boots were a little taller; I’d say maybe if the skirt were a little shorter, but uh … I think we’ve seen quite enough celebrity crotch-shot’s for a while. And the purple fringe vest? I’m sorry. My vocabulary isn’t extensive enough to describe that hot mess.
Head’s up, my little fashionistas: we have a first. We’ve got a dude on the celebrity fashion disaster radar. Whether you’re still in the way-back machine and calling him Puff Daddy, Puffy, P. Diddy, Diddy, or plain old Sean, he’s evolved into a serious fashion forerunner all the years – I mean, this man is stylish … until he sees a red carpet, and then it’s like waving a red flag in front of a bull or something. Instead of charging, Diddy snags the first white tuxedo jacket he can find. Does he design them strictly for that purpose? Or maybe his next reality show is going to involve him putting together a team of cocktail waiters, and he just wants to be real with it. It’s just so … seventies. If he’d even just worn a black shirt with a black tie instead, it really could have worked, but this is just … cheesy.
I … huh. Why … why did she even bother to put on clothes? Don’t get me wrong, low slung waistbands are hot – especially on guys with great hipbones. Fergie’s got great hipbones, sure, but she’s basically … guys, she’s this close to showing off her va-jay-jay and I don’t understand. True, if I had abs like that, I’d show them off too, but this is just – I’m sorry, but even Brit’s little schoolgirl phase was more tasteful than this. Fergie’s got a sick body, but there are better ways to flaunt it. Maybe if the shirt was a little longer, with the bottom buttons opened, for instance. And I’m just not even going to touch the tiara, because if I did, I’d be too tempted to christening her the Pee Pee Princess, ala that very unfortunate concert accident…
I … don’t even know if I can write today’s blog. My eyes are bleeding a little, and my soul is weeping – but softly, but softly. I now officially believe in Friday the 13th, because seeing this picture has to be a form of punishment – so I’m sharing it with all of you. This is Kelly Clarkson. You know, the girl who won the first season of American Idol and starred in a movie that is now considered one of the worst in life. You can’t really tell, because she looks a little bit of Kirstie Alley – and I don’t mean that as an insult to either of them, but good grief. Don’t the folks over at American Idol groom their little winning show dogs – ahem, talent; I meant talent, but the keys are like right next to each other – in all ways? Aren’t they taught how to be fashionable right before they’re taught how to deal with their fifteen minutes of fame? Kelly looks huge. Maybe it’s the print, maybe it’s the silhouette of the dress – more likely, it’s a bit of both, but it isn’t flattering at all. It makes her look rather pear-shaped, and the loud design just draws attention to everything. Sweetheart, go burn that thing in effigy!
