Celebrity Fashion Disasters

Hm. This is Lindsay Lohan. I would like to say that this outfit is cute. I really would. I mean, Lindsay’s having a hard time of it lately – and I am proud to say that I am part of that. See? But like I said before – she’s kind of asking for it, and I have no sympathy for it. None.

So I would like Lindsay to know that a.) that was my frigging name first, and my spelling wins; and b.) Liza Minnelli called, and she’d really like her dress … slip … thing back. Seriously, does that not look like it belongs in Las Vegas? Preferably in some dark, forgotten casino, where no one will ever have to see it again. I get the fact that the girl has nice legs – I admit that, I’ve come to terms with it. But does the hem really need to be that high? Really? Is she trying to make someone else Photoshop some panties onto her?

I do, however, applaud the fedora. Unfortunately, no one with an orange tan should ever be allowed to wear one.

Guess what? It’s Two for One day here at Celebrity Fashion Disasters! I finally figured out why Tom let Kat(i)e go out of the house like this – because he doesn’t have a darn bit of fashion sense either. Is it just me, or does he look a little bit like Gilligan here? It’s not just the khakis and the striped shirt, it’s what he’s doing with his leg – what the eff is he doing with his leg?!

And Katie … okay. This would be totally cute, but what is up with the shoes? And the rolled cuffs? What is up with the shoes and the rolled cuffs? She rolled the cuffs of her jeans up … to wear high heeled shoes – open toed sandal shoes, even, with … is she wearing socks? Because those look a little too thick to be pantyhose.

What is the matter with these people? Jeez, Tom’s got Gilligan’s walk, and Katie’s got his hair. At least she has the good sense to look like she’s ashamed of being seen in that … and with that.

I have no idea, whatsoever, what is worse about this picture of Lindsay Lohan.  Actually, I have this feeling that I don’t really need to say or point out anything.  A picture is worth a thousand snarks, after all. 

But … what’s the fun of staying quiet?  Poor Lindsay, she is just a trainwreck all the way around, and you’d think she’d realize a few things by now.  Such as:

1. She is a magnet for the paparazzi.
2. She should never, ever, ever go out of the house looking like this.
3. Since her mom has a frigging TV show now, she’s getting more attention than ever.
4. People are not kind to you if your name is Lindsay Lohan and you routinely flash your girl bits, hurt yourself in stupefying ways, enter and exit (and enter and exit, and enter and exit; lather, rinse, repeat) rehab, look like a homeless lady, and do various other odd things that always get written up in newspapers and on blogs.

Not only is this disastrous fashion debacle shapeless, unflattering, and just hideous all the way around, but who let her go out in public with that hat like she thinks she’s anywhere near as hot as Eminem, and hey, what’s up with the face?  Not the expression, her skin; honey, get some Bare Minerals or something.

Oh, Mary-Kate Olsen. She has to be the biggest piece of evidence in existent that not all identical twins are created equal. Just about everyone seems to be in agreement about the fact that Ashley must have gotten the “I do not look like I reached into my closet, in the dark, after a bender, and pulled out the first thing I touched” gene. Ashley’s had her fashion disasters as well, but those are tame next to the debacles in which Mary-Kate is all too frequently seen. This particular disaster is just … there are no words. There are none. It is shapeless, unflattering, the color is awful, the silhouette is appalling, and how is it that even though this dress … thing has an uber plunging neckline, she still looks like she has absolutely no neck whatsoever?

Uhm. Ew. While some folks are saying that Rhianna looks like a Scarlett O’Hara wannabe, I have to disagree. The ruffles and the lavishness, yeah, all right, those are pretty Gone with the Wind, but Miss Scarlett had it going on, even when she had to do herself up in the curtains. This looks more like Rhianna tried to get innovative with a bedspread or something – maybe a Martha Stewart design, or one of K-Mart’s blue light specials. She looks like a happy little ray of sunshine threw up on her. She looks like a lemon cupcake with the frosting overflowing – to the point of taking over the world. It’s possible – only just, but possible all the same – that if the shade of yellow was a little less brazen, the color at least would look lovely with her skin tones. But, seriously? Honestly? Really and truly? Was she going to the BET Awards, or a debutante ball? Was this perhaps her coming out party? At least she wasn’t wearing elbow length gloves.

I will say, however, that Miss Thing’s hair is rocking.